3 Things to Stop Saying to Your Single Sisters
1 . “GOD WILL BRING YOU A HUSBAND."
I know we're trying to encourage our single sister by saying this, but this statement has no Biblical backing and will only discourage our sister more if this "promise" we've spoken is not fulfilled. The truth is, God never promises us marriage in this life. God’s purpose for our sister’s life may be for her to be single or it may be for her to get married eventually, but only God is the one who knows this (1 Corinthians 7:7). We should be careful not to give our sisters false hope in a promise that God has never made. Sometimes we even add to this statement by saying things like, “God will bring you a husband when you stop desiring one” or “God will bring you a husband when you are ready,” etc. These type of statements add works as a condition to why someone may or may not be married.
Instead of guessing at God's plan, let's point our sisters back to the beautiful promises God does have for us in His Word. We could say something like, “I don't know if God has marriage for you or not, but His Word says He will provide us with all that we need for life and godliness, and He cares for you (2 Peter 1:2-4; Philippians 4:19; 1 Peter 5:7).”
2 . "YOU JUST NEED TO PRAY AND ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU A HUSBAND"
Chances are that your single sister has cried out to God with her desire for marriage. We should always encourage one another to make our requests known to God in earnest prayer (Philippians 4:6), but let's not assume that her current situation is the result of a poor prayer life. Instead, take this opportunity to encourage her to walk in godliness in the midst of her singleness, whether that be for the rest of her life or a few months or years (1 Thessalonians 4:3). Your sister needs to be reminded that God is good in singleness or marriage (Matthew 7:9-11, James 1:17, 1 Thessalonians 5:18). Marriage and singleness are both gifts to be used for the glory of God (Ephesians 5:31-32, 1 Corinthians 7:32-34). Elisabeth Elliot put it this way:
“If you are single today, the portion assigned to you for today is singleness. It is God’s gift. Singleness ought not to be viewed as a problem, nor marriage as a right. God in his wisdom and love grants either as a gift.”
We can encourage our single sister by praying for her endurance and purity as she walks through this season of life, however long it may be (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
3 . “YOU NEED TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE"
Another lie we sometimes feed our sisters is that their singleness is a result of their failure to adequately put themselves in circumstances where they can try to meet someone. We must be careful with the advice we give. Our Sovereign God is never limited and He will work out His plan for our life. Our single sisters need to be reminded that marriage is not what makes their life count or what will bring them true satisfaction (Psalm 16:11). Corrie Ten Boom explains this well:
“Marriage is not the answer to unhappiness. Happiness can only be found in a balanced relationship with Jesus Christ. When you belong to Christ, you can be happy with or without a husband, secure in Christ alone.”
Try to bear your sister's burden in love as she struggles with being single (Galatians 6:2). Encourage your single sister to use her single years to walk in undistracted devotion to the Lord by loving and serving others for God’s glory (1 Corinthians 7:32-34, Matthew 28:18-20).
Take some time right now to pray for a single sister who is struggling with being single.