7 Truths for the Sad & Struggling Single
Has another year gone by and you find yourself still single, longing to be married and sad about how life has turned out so far? You are not alone sister.
It’s important to note that there’s nothing wrong with the desire to be married, marriage is a good gift. We suffer and lose our joy when we begin to move from wanting that good gift, to desiring it above all and living for the desire above loving and enjoying the Lord and others as He has called us to.
So what do you do when you find yourself struggling to enjoy the state you’re in right now? Here are 7 truths from God’s Word to remind yourself of in your struggle.
1. People and circumstances will never fully satisfy you
“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” - Philippians 4:11-13
The Apostle Paul states that he “learned to be content in whatever circumstance.” How did Paul learn this? Through Jesus Christ. The Lord helped Paul to learn that nothing apart from Christ will ever fully satisfy him.
“Jesus said to her, ‘Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.’ The woman said to Him, ‘Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.’ - John 4:13-15
Our problem is not that our desires are too strong, but that they are too weak. We all struggle with longing after broken cisterns that hold undrinkable water that will ultimately never really satisfy us (Jeremiah 2:13). We must be free ourselves from the lie that getting what we want will bring us ultimate happiness, contentment, and joy. We were made to enjoy God’s good gifts, but to always find our ultimate fulfillment and satisfaction in Christ.
2. Take your thoughts captive
“ We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” - 2 Corinthinas 2:10
Our thoughts are powerful and if we do not take them captive through the power of the Holy Spirit, we will be enslaved to our own sinful thoughts and desires. We have to choose to meditate on “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8). Or in other words, we should meditate on the Word of God day and night (Joshua 1:8). This is the only way to keep your mind fixated on the Lord and His glory and not on self and what you think you deserve that you are not getting.
“the more you see of Christ for who He really is in His Word, by his Spirit, the more you taste Him, the more you savor Him, the more you know Him, the more you treasure Him.” - John Piper
3. Don’t focus on what if
“You do not know what your life will be life tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” James 4:14
Instead of focusing on “what if I never get married,” focus on loving God and enjoying Him in each day that He gives you. Life is a vapor, it is here one moment and gone the next. Wake up each morning reminding yourself that, “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24). In the words of Jim Elliot, “wherever you are, be all there.” When we chose to not embrace the moment and season we are in, we end up missing out on everything else around us that might be sweet and precious and meant for our growth.
4. You can trust God
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your way and my thoughts than your thoughts.” - Isaiah 55:8-9
Many times we can feel like God is not doing enough for us when we are single. We see all the other people around us getting married and yet, another year goes by and you are still single and struggling. However, we must remember that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).” God is working all things out for your good, so if you are still single, it is because He knows that for right now, singleness is for your good. His thoughts, ways, and plans are ultimately so much higher and greater than anything we could ever imagine. We need to trust that He knows what is best.
5. Love God above all else
“you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” - Mark 12:30
The first commandment is to love God with all that we are and all that we have. When we are loving God this means that we are focused on Him (not ourselves) and His glory. We are so captivated by who He is that we too, like the Apostle Paul, are able to say “I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ” (Philipppians 3:8). It’s not just a good thing to love God, but it is the very reason you were created, to know Him and love Him and enjoy Him forever.
6. Love others well
“The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” - Mark 12:31
The second commandment is to love others. God made us to live for loving Him and loving others. When we are focused on these two things above self, we will find that our souls will be satisfied. When we are focused on ourselves, we can easily become distracted and get caught up in our own selfish desires and begin to wallow in self-pity and chosen sorrow. As you walk in love for God and others, you will experience the peace of God, the joy that comes from doing what He made you to do, and a desire to draw near to Him.
7. The fullness of joy is coming
“You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” - Psalm 16:11
Sister, remember that ultimately the fullness of joy is coming – one day you will be home with Jesus forever set free from loneliness, sadness, sin and death. Until then, the Lord has given us His Holy Spirit to indwell us and when we seek the Lord, He brings us satisfaction and joy in His presence. We may not be in the fullness of His presence yet, but we get to taste of what is to come. The best way to wait is to seek His face. When we are satisfied in Him alone, our momentary sorrows will be considered loss in comparison to the surpassing value of knowing Jesus. “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21).
Look for your satisfaction in Christ alone–He is the only one who can truly satisfy your soul and who will never leave or forsake you. Bring your desire for marriage to the Lord in prayer, asking Him to help you stop making it a demand and to help you entrust your desire to Him as you wait and live out your calling to love Him and others in the state you’re in, and meditate on His truth.